has any one dealt with serious marriage problems?

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Permalink Reply by Theresa Merrill on August 21, 2008 at 11:08pm

How did you know what God's will was for your marriage

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Permalink Reply by Suberina on August 22, 2008 at 11:12am

Hi, Theresa I hope you don't mind me replying to this...but that's such a good question, one that I struggle with on occasion. First, I can tell you that he doesn't like divorce. I suspect you already know this, which brings us to point 2, he created marriage to so we can fulfill each others needs not just physical needs but all the needs of this life here on earth. He gave both Husband and Wife specific guidelines to follow so that we will fulfill his will. Day 8 & 9 of ‘From Chaos to Calm’ deals with what the Bible expects from us wives. But more importantly they are also numerous references to his will for our marriages in the Bible. (I can site them if you wish). But I suspect that if we want specifics, and ask for it in prayer he will reveal it to us. As for me, whenever I start asking question like that, and I pray for his guidance, I remember him giving me a perfect peace that surpasses all my concerns and cares. God brings me into a feeling of perfection because I’m covered by “his grace”. You know what I’m saying? This feeling of his grace filled perfection would not allow me to wonder what his purpose for my marriage is because I am living it; however imperfect it may seem to my fragile eyes I’m walking in his will. Theresa, your question came at such a great time for me and answered so many questions of my own, I only hope you get the gist of what I’m trying to say. I pray that God will reveal himself to you and give you what you need because it is he alone that can satisfy you.

Theresa Merrill said:

How did you know what God's will was for your marriage

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Permalink Reply by Theresa Merrill on August 22, 2008 at 11:57am

You seem really wise - I would love to get your counsel on some things that I don't feel comforatable sharing with the whole world. My email is tmerrill@ereadymonitors.com. I'd love to have a discussion if you have the time and inclination

Suberina said:

Hi, Theresa I hope you don't mind me replying to this...but that's such a good question, one that I struggle with on occasion. First, I can tell you that he doesn't like divorce. I suspect you already know this, which brings us to point 2, he created marriage to so we can fulfill each others needs not just physical needs but all the needs of this life here on earth. He gave both Husband and Wife specific guidelines to follow so that we will fulfill his will. Day 8 & 9 of ‘From Chaos to Calm’ deals with what the Bible expects from us wives. But more importantly they are also numerous references to his will for our marriages in the Bible. (I can site them if you wish). But I suspect that if we want specifics, and ask for it in prayer he will reveal it to us. As for me, whenever I start asking question like that, and I pray for his guidance, I remember him giving me a perfect peace that surpasses all my concerns and cares. God brings me into a feeling of perfection because I’m covered by “his grace”. You know what I’m saying? This feeling of his grace filled perfection would not allow me to wonder what his purpose for my marriage is because I am living it; however imperfect it may seem to my fragile eyes I’m walking in his will. Theresa, your question came at such a great time for me and answered so many questions of my own, I only hope you get the gist of what I’m trying to say. I pray that God will reveal himself to you and give you what you need because it is he alone that can satisfy you.

Theresa Merrill said:

How did you know what God's will was for your marriage

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Permalink Reply by Amy G on August 22, 2008 at 3:10pm

Hi Theresa :) Just wanted you to know that someone is out there praying for you. I don't know exactly what you are struggling with but I'll pray for you. These past 3 months have been some of the worst in my life because I have watched my family (mom, dad and brothers) get absolutely destroyed. My heart is still broken over everything that is happening but my eyes have been opened so much to the pain that others have been living with for years. I feel like 3 months ago I had a family and now I have just broken bits. My parents are divorcing, my older brother is getting divorced, and my brothers are so angry at my dad that they are legally having their names changed. Everyone seems to hate everyone. It's terrible and nasty and just seems to have come out of the blue like an evil hurricane. I feel like families everywhere are being attacked and we cannot let Satan win anymore. Again, I don't know what you are feeling right now or are struggling with but I just encourage you to give it to God and don't move a muscle until you are absolutely sure that you have heard from Him about it. I will pray right now for peace in your life and for the storm you are enduring to be still.

I hope that things get better right away for you :)
Amy

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Permalink Reply by Theresa Merrill on August 22, 2008 at 3:16pm

Thank you - I agree - Satan is having a field day out here. I am trying to stand firm and am praying daily (some days hourly). I will add your family to my prayer time.

Amy G said:

Hi Theresa :) Just wanted you to know that someone is out there praying for you. I don't know exactly what you are struggling with but I'll pray for you. These past 3 months have been some of the worst in my life because I have watched my family (mom, dad and brothers) get absolutely destroyed. My heart is still broken over everything that is happening but my eyes have been opened so much to the pain that others have been living with for years. I feel like 3 months ago I had a family and now I have just broken bits. My parents are divorcing, my older brother is getting divorced, and my brothers are so angry at my dad that they are legally having their names changed. Everyone seems to hate everyone. It's terrible and nasty and just seems to have come out of the blue like an evil hurricane. I feel like families everywhere are being attacked and we cannot let Satan win anymore. Again, I don't know what you are feeling right now or are struggling with but I just encourage you to give it to God and don't move a muscle until you are absolutely sure that you have heard from Him about it. I will pray right now for peace in your life and for the storm you are enduring to be still.

I hope that things get better right away for you :)
Amy

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Permalink Reply by Christina on August 22, 2008 at 5:15pm

I'm sorry about the problems you must be going through! Marriage is definitely not an easy part of life but it can be such a blessing if we let it! I was very close to divorcing my husband 2 years ago. In fact, we separated twice (my choice, not his). The first time I was very stupid and didn't have my focus where it should have been. I was ignoring God's guidance and doing my own thing. The 2nd time I left I focused on myself and what was wrong with my thoughts and I started reading books and finding verses in the bible about marriage and I'm happy to say that through probably the worst mistakes I've made, the Lord changed my heart and my views and now divorce is no longer an option or even apart of my personal dictionary! I highly suggest praying a lot, reading through the verses about marriage and divorce. The bible strictly says that we are to remain married unless there is sexual immorality but even with that, I think you can still work through it. Some books that helped me:
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
A Wife After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Verses:
Titus 2:3-5
Genesis 2:18
1Corinthians 11:3
Ephesians 5:22-33
1Peter 3:1-5
1 Corinthian 7 (the whole chapter)

Good luck darlin!!! The Lord never gives us more than we can handle and times may be rough but He is with you and that's so much better than anything else!!!

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie on August 23, 2008 at 6:43am

I would like to point you to some excellent resources that we have used in our home that may help you with your questions:

http://www.familyfoundations.com/resources/resource-marriage.htm

God Bless you and your marriage
Stephanie

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Permalink Reply by Rachel on August 31, 2008 at 3:57pm

ok I am the negative nelly because may be i am going through a battle of my own this has no reflect on advice for you but why does it seem we always have to be the ones to bend over back wards? What about the husbands role? Why is it we seem to be the door mats? Iguess thats where i struggle right now probably becaues I am not strong in my faith or my marriage either one at this time. But why does it seem like to ME ( me only) that christian wife/ woman= door matt;? HOw do you let go and give it to God?
Leigh said:

Theresa,
I'm praying for you and your husband. I've been married 20 years (as of next Sunday). Marriage brings great joy and great sorrow because life brings great joy and great sorrow. Many times I have blamed my marriage for pain and suffering that was actually just a part of life and would have occured regardless of my marital status. My husband and I have BEEN THROUGH IT!!! I have a hard time letting go of things that happened in the past, I'm like a dog - I've got to go dig up an old bone and chew on it for a while. (This turns out to be an incredible waste of energy - but bad habits are bad habits). I try to remember God is still working on us.
When you forge a sword you heat it up, pound it with a hammer and cool it off. Then you repeat the process. I feel like my marriage has been forged by time :)!
All of our friends here have offered fantastic advice that I hope helps. Just wanted you to know you are not alone!!!!
Peace and Strength.

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Permalink Reply by Patty Wysong on September 2, 2008 at 10:35pm

Yup. I've felt like the doormat, too.
I've been married 19 years and many of those were extremely hard years--our friends placed bets as to how long we'd stay together (and they all lost!!! LoL)

Looking back at things now, I can see that Jim, my husband, NEVER wanted me to feel that way. He wanted a partner, a helpmeet, NOT a doormat. The problem came in when I was so focussed on me and my wants and needs and how much I was changing and 'giving up' that I didn't/couldn't see the whole picture. The whole picture included Jim, our marriage, our family. I got stuck in my own pity party and life really stinks there. Much of the problems were as a result of that pity party. For me, I had to quit operating off my yo-yoing emotions, take control of my mind, and refocus OFF myself. It was hard! I was so 'settled' in my pity party that I didn't even recognize I was there until I was splattered across my rock bottom and got a good look at what I'd done. It was not pretty! Once I saw and accepted my responsibility in the problem, and determined to change myself, not Jim, things slowly began looking up. Slowly.

That's how it was for me--but selfishness is something I struggle with, and it almost destroyed my marriage and my family. That's NOT to say that's how it is for every woman who struggles with the Doormat Syndrome. *shrug* For all I know I might be the only woman to wallow in a pity party enough to destroy a family, but maybe it will trigger some thoughts and ideas for how to work through your own situation.

Here's another thought: We, as wives, are NOT responsible for how our husbands fulfill their roles as husbands. We have more than we can handle just dealing with ourselves. How do we let go and give it God? By CHOOSING to give it to God (even if it's on a minute by minute basis) and CHOOSING to not worry about how our husbands are holding up their ends of the marriage. We're responsible for our own actions.

*eeks* Sorry. I didn't mean to write a novel...I'm praying for you, Rachel...

Rachel said:

ok I am the negative nelly because may be i am going through a battle of my own this has no reflect on advice for you but why does it seem we always have to be the ones to bend over back wards? What about the husbands role? Why is it we seem to be the door mats? Iguess thats where i struggle right now probably becaues I am not strong in my faith or my marriage either one at this time. But why does it seem like to ME ( me only) that christian wife/ woman= door matt;? HOw do you let go and give it to God?
Leigh said:

Theresa,
I'm praying for you and your husband. I've been married 20 years (as of next Sunday). Marriage brings great joy and great sorrow because life brings great joy and great sorrow. Many times I have blamed my marriage for pain and suffering that was actually just a part of life and would have occured regardless of my marital status. My husband and I have BEEN THROUGH IT!!! I have a hard time letting go of things that happened in the past, I'm like a dog - I've got to go dig up an old bone and chew on it for a while. (This turns out to be an incredible waste of energy - but bad habits are bad habits). I try to remember God is still working on us.
When you forge a sword you heat it up, pound it with a hammer and cool it off. Then you repeat the process. I feel like my marriage has been forged by time :)!
All of our friends here have offered fantastic advice that I hope helps. Just wanted you to know you are not alone!!!!
Peace and Strength.

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Permalink Reply by Rachel on September 3, 2008 at 12:49am

Patty,
well I worry because I have a 13 yr old son and a 5 yr old son, They are half brothers and it is as though he goes out of his way not to try to be a father at times. I know I am not responsible for my husband but I worry about it will affect my oldest one. His real father is a nincompoop and my husband isn't doinf any better at filling the void. it is my protective mother coming out in me.

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Permalink Reply by Chayil Ishshah on September 7, 2008 at 11:35pm

Dear Theresa, I been struggling also, I had the most horrible months of my five years together, but the Glory be to Yahushua Ha Moshiach, we are both working together to restore our relationship. I am not an easy person, but Elohim is working on me, I am not feeling as a doormat, I am feeling as a child that needed a reprimand. I love my hubby and I promise myself to stay with him until Elohim do us apart and I will fullfil this as Yahweh commandment to do so. Please, stay calm and pray without rest, He will send Angels to comfort you and to hold you when you think you can't stay still. Life is not easy, but if we hold unto Yahushua we will be safe. The Bible has all the instructions that we need. Follow the advice of this knowledgeable sisters because they are showing you the way to save your marriage and your life. Yahweh bless you and give you peace. Your friend, Chayil

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