Mothering tips

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey Dann on September 15, 2009 at 10:56pm

Leslie,
I am, by no means an expert, but I have 3 boys, ages 6, 4, and 2. I know this could totally go against the grain of what you think is acceptable, but have you ever considered co-sleeping with your 7 month-old?? If you are totally scared of this idea, perhaps you could put baby's bassinet or a co-sleeper bedside your bed so that you can comfort him quickly in the night. Also, is your 3 year-old waking up because he's afraid or because his brother's nighttime cries are waking him? If it's the latter, the co-sleeping would help. If it's not, perhaps he is afraid of something?? In that case you could set up a baby montitor in his room and let him know you are always there, listening. Also, you can give him a flashlight to "banish the boogeyman." If he is not afraid or being awakened by someone, you can just let him know quickly that you love him and that he belongs in his bed. Then, give him a quick kiss and put him back in his bed. Next time, just take him straight back and lay him down gently. If you repeat this process consistenly, it will not even take a week before getting out of bed will lose its appeal for little sweetheart. These ideas may or may not work, but good luck and God bless!
Lindsey

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Permalink Reply by Countrymamma on September 18, 2009 at 3:19pm

Thank you for your reply, sorry it has taken me so long to respond back! He has always had trouble staying in his own bed, even before we put both of them in the same room. In fact for a while after we put the baby in their with him it seemed to help him, because he knew he wasn't the only one sleeping alone. He will awaken even if the baby is not crying, and that wakens the baby. We do have a monitor for the baby, but I never thought about telling him that I am listening for him too. That might work. I don't think he is afraid....he doesn't act like he is having nightmares but he does wake up crying, and always wants to get in bed with us. Patiently trying to take him back to his room every time, but sometimes I just let him come in bed with us especially if the baby is there nursing, I cannot send him back to his bed!! I know I'm not very strong and need to be more diligent!

Lindsey Dann said:

Leslie,
I am, by no means an expert, but I have 3 boys, ages 6, 4, and 2. I know this could totally go against the grain of what you think is acceptable, but have you ever considered co-sleeping with your 7 month-old?? If you are totally scared of this idea, perhaps you could put baby's bassinet or a co-sleeper bedside your bed so that you can comfort him quickly in the night. Also, is your 3 year-old waking up because he's afraid or because his brother's nighttime cries are waking him? If it's the latter, the co-sleeping would help. If it's not, perhaps he is afraid of something?? In that case you could set up a baby montitor in his room and let him know you are always there, listening. Also, you can give him a flashlight to "banish the boogeyman." If he is not afraid or being awakened by someone, you can just let him know quickly that you love him and that he belongs in his bed. Then, give him a quick kiss and put him back in his bed. Next time, just take him straight back and lay him down gently. If you repeat this process consistenly, it will not even take a week before getting out of bed will lose its appeal for little sweetheart. These ideas may or may not work, but good luck and God bless!
Lindsey

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Permalink Reply by Tracie Zander on September 20, 2009 at 6:33pm

I guess I fall into he category of more experienced but still. I have had this problem an unfortunately tough love is really the best way. It means being firm but loving and not giving in, no matter how tired you are. If your baby is still waking to nurse I would actually move the baby to your room temporarily. It will aid in how much sleep you get in many ways. Co-sleeping is ok, I did it with my 5th but I don't totally reccommend it with both being little. My other 4 were older and really had no desire to sleep with us, which made it easy. Think jealosy issues, no matter how much that 3 yearold loves the younger, it's still there. Like my mom in law and grandma say, this to shall pass and the seasons of life will change. I pray for strength and patience for you. Tracie

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Permalink Reply by Countrymamma on September 21, 2009 at 8:47am

Thank you so much! Yes jealousy is a major issue I think. When the baby is up nursing( I usually bring him itno bed with us when he is nursing) the 3 yr old gets up and I don't have the heart to send him back to bed, I don't want him to feel like he's being abandoned. It happened again last night, and I ended up letting him stay in bed with us all night, because by that time I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep! His mornings are all messed up now too, he used to sleep quite late and I could get up and at least get a shower and spend a few minutes studying but now as soon as I get up he gets up too, making for a very challenging morning. I am very frustrated with it all right now!

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Permalink Reply by Tracie Zander on September 21, 2009 at 3:04pm

Yeah, I know you are frustrated. This is where the tough love(and it's going to be just as tough on you as him) comes into play. One idea that comes to mind and some will poo-poo this like crazy is a reward for staying in bed. Yes, at 3 he will get this. I don't mean a monetary reward but something special with you during the day, especially while the baby is napping. this needs to be a special time just the 2 of you, stories, cuddles, a movie, help you bake cookies, eic. It won't be easy and I strongly reccomend a chart with stickers. Start small, 15 minutes of mommy time if you stay in bed all night. Then use the chart, but keep your time fragments short, like 3 stickers equals 30 minutes, 5, 45 min. You get the idea. I sure hope this helps. I've been down this road and it won't turn around overnight but consistency will result in great rewards. The pearls, Mike and Debi have a book out called to train up a child. I don't agree with everything but most is really good. Good luck. Tracie

Countrymamma said:

Thank you so much! Yes jealousy is a major issue I think. When the baby is up nursing( I usually bring him itno bed with us when he is nursing) the 3 yr old gets up and I don't have the heart to send him back to bed, I don't want him to feel like he's being abandoned. It happened again last night, and I ended up letting him stay in bed with us all night, because by that time I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep! His mornings are all messed up now too, he used to sleep quite late and I could get up and at least get a shower and spend a few minutes studying but now as soon as I get up he gets up too, making for a very challenging morning. I am very frustrated with it all right now!

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Permalink Reply by Cassidy Little on September 22, 2009 at 11:08pm

I have 4 girls. But this is my recommendation. Put the baby's bed or bassinet or whatever he sleeps in - in your room. Then you can easily nurse him then you are both right back to sleep. Put the monitor over on a night stand or something near your 3 year old's bed and tell him it's there so you can listen to be sure he's perfectly fine and sleeping. And I agree that rewarding his staying in bed all night is a great idea. I never use candy because it will just make their teeth rot and them fat down the road, lol. What I do is I have a basket and it's full of little trinkets, coloring books, you could have little cars, etc... when he sleeps ALL NIGHT without getting up ONCE he gets to choose ONE item from there. I get my stuff at dollar stores or the dollar spot at Target, etc... Then after he gets the hang of that make it where he has to sleep all night long for TWO nights then he gets to pick a treat... you can go from there. Hey, to me, $0.50 - $1 a day as you are first getting started for the trinkets is WELL WORTH the sleep you need. But the catch here is HUUUUGE. YOU CANNOT teach him that your word is no good by giving him a treat from the basket because he did "better" or "pretty good". Instead say, "look at all these prizes you can choose from if you sleep ALL NIGHT. You did much better last night so maybe tonight you can do it all night and get your prize!" Really encourage him in a positive way making it exciting by letting him see (but not touch) the basket full of fun things. He WILL WANT the little things and I do believe it will help. Fill that basket up with at least 10 items before you show it to him so he sees LOTS OF GOODIES he can earn and choose! That will get him excited about it.
I hope this helps a bit. Cass

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Permalink Reply by Countrymamma on September 24, 2009 at 10:34am

Thanks Cassidy and Tracie both! I really enjoyed both suggestions, and I will definitely try them! We had a little bit better of a night last night, he still got up, but only once! LOL It took quite a bit of cajoling to get him back into his bed to sleep, but he finally did it. But not before the baby woke up. I can usually nurse him and he will fall back asleep and sleep for the rest of the night on his own...so we are making progress at least!! But I will try the treats and mommy time thing...just might do the trick!!

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